Journal Entry #3

The worst part about life, about being fat, about lacking the beauty that I so badly long for, is that I can't even bring myself to go out. It's not like I can't, it's not like I don't have friends. Two examples: After prom and last night.

After prom:

I didn't go to junior prom because I didn't want to, because I didn't look good in any dresses and because I didn't think I'd have fun. But my friend had after prom and she invited me and I was going to go. I was gonna drink the night away and have fun, but then... I ate. I looked in the mirror and I looked fat and I no longer wanted to go out. So I didn't. I missed an incredible night because I didn't like the girl looking back at me in the mirror.

Last night:

My friends were chilling last night. We were going to get drunk and whatnot, but because I ate and I looked ugly, I didn't go. I said I was "sick". That's a lie, I was just sick of the girl I look like.

I can't hang out with friends because I don't want to expose my ugly self to the world.